


Alone

by Blackghost7



Category: NCIS
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 14:37:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3613647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackghost7/pseuds/Blackghost7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Why are you leaving?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone

   
   
Tony sighed as he hauled Gibbs up the stairs of the basement to the living room, one of Gibbs’ arms slung across Tony’s neck, one of Tony’s arms wrapped tightly around Gibbs’ waist, the two of them stumbling up the steps carefully. How many times had they done this over the past years? A brush with disaster, a hard case, a visit from Senior, the loss of a friend or colleague, and inevitably, it ended like this, one of them drunk out of their mind and the other taking care of him, the division of roles dependent on which of them needed the temporary escape into nothingness more. They drank together, but they never got drunk together, one of them always remaining lucid enough to care for the other when the stupor hit. They’d quickly learned to see the signs in each other, knew each other’s pressure points and weaknesses, and recognized the triggers in each other that would lead to a night like this.  
   
Sometimes it was Tony who drank himself into unconsciousness, to find himself in Gibbs’ guest room when he woke up, a bucket at the ready next to the bed for emergencies, a huge glass of water and bottle of aspirin on the side table. Other times, it was Gibbs, waking up on his couch, blankets tucked around him, and the same supplies waiting for him. Sometimes when he woke up, Tony found evidence in the form of a still damp washcloth on the dresser and an indent in the duvet, that Gibbs had sat at his side and wiped away the tears and other emissions that came with an uncontrolled crying fit. Sometimes, Gibbs woke up to find Tony curled up in a chair next to the couch, Tony’s hand still resting on Gibbs’ head or shoulder in comfort, and knew the younger man had sat with him the entire night, watching over him. They never spoke about these things.  
   
The last time this had happened had been months ago, after Mishnev had killed Diane, and when Gibbs had dealt with Fornell and the whole fucked up situation and the dust had settled, Gibbs had retreated to his basement with Tony at his side, and drank away his own guilt he felt at it all. No wood had been carved or sanded or sawed that night, but the basement wall had several new indentations in it from where various tools and knickknacks had connected with it, thrown with force by an increasingly disheveled Gibbs. Tony had sat through it all patiently, sipping at a couple of beers, and when Gibbs was all raged out, had picked Gibbs up off the floor and put him to bed on the couch, then cleaned up the evidence of his rage and guilt in the basement. Tony knew and understood the reasons for it, and supported Gibbs however he could. But tonight was the third time in two weeks that Tony had seen that look in Gibbs’ eyes that told him what was coming, and Tony was worried, because even though he read the signals, he didn’t know the reason.  
   
Settling Gibbs on the couch and covering him with a blanket, Tony stared down at the man for a few moments, trying to figure it out. Tonight he had coaxed Gibbs out of the basement sooner than usual, not letting him get completely drunk, and hoped that the older man wouldn’t suffer from too awful a hangover tomorrow. Knowing that it was no use while Gibbs was drinking, Tony wanted to talk to him in the morning, find out what was going on with his boss and friend, what was causing this destructive behavior. When he saw Gibbs start to shiver, his worry increased, and he leaned down to brush a hand over Gibbs’ head. Gibbs kept his eyes closed, but seemed to push into the touch, relaxing when he felt Tony’s hand on him and tensing again when Tony pulled away.  
   
“Tony?”  
   
“What is it, Jethro?”  
   
“I don’t want to be alone.”  
   
It was said softly and almost plaintively, a tone he never would have expected to hear in Gibbs’ voice, and Tony hesitated for a moment. He wasn’t really sure what Gibbs meant, but instinctively reached out his hand again to touch the older man, feeling Gibbs press into the touch clearly now, and seeing him relax a little again. Recognizing the need for human contact and taking a decision, Tony held up the blanket and crawled onto the couch next to Gibbs, positioning himself between the back of the couch and Gibbs, pulling the blanket back in place over them both and wrapping one arm around Gibbs’ chest, Gibbs’ head obligingly lifting to allow Tony to slide his other arm under Gibbs’ neck so they could lie together comfortably. Tony instantly felt the shivering subside, and Gibbs let out a deep breath.  
   
“You’re not alone, Jethro.”  
   
Tony held Gibbs the entire night, and woke up in the morning with a crick in his neck, his arm asleep from the weight of Gibbs’ head resting on it, and a deep sense of comfort and warmth, of contentment. He nuzzled into the hair at the back of Gibbs’ head, and then pressed his lips to Gibbs’ neck, tightening the hold of his arm a little more before starting to stroke his hand lazily up and down Gibbs’ chest. He felt Gibbs wake up, heard him take a deep breath and sigh. Gibbs slowly and carefully turned around to face Tony, then wrapped his arms around the younger man, burying his face against Tony’s chest and holding him tightly. Surprised but pleased, Tony kept up the stroking of his hand, now over Gibbs’ back, and waited. It was long, long minutes before he heard the quiet grumble.  
   
“Thank you, Anthony.”  
   
Putting a little distance between their heads so Gibbs was forced to look at him, Tony gave him a soft smile and some reassurance.  
   
“Any time, Jethro.”  
   
Gibbs’ eyes darted from Tony’s gaze to his lips and back, and then again. Tony saw it happen, and again felt surprise. Questioningly and slowly, he leaned forward, keeping his eyes on Gibbs, until he reached the man’s lips. After pausing for one more second, Tony closed the last hair’s breadth of distance and softly kissed them. Gibbs’ eyes closed the moment their lips met, and he seemed to melt against Tony, the tension leaving his body immediately. Gibbs moved his hands on Tony’s back, one sliding upwards to curl his fingers in Tony’s hair, the other sliding down to find Tony’s hip and then his ass, pulling them closer together. Tony moaned against Gibbs’ lips, then angled his head a little more under the guidance of Gibbs’ fingers in his hair and opened his lips to allow Gibbs’ tongue to slip inside, letting Gibbs taste him for a while before pushing back and entering Gibbs’ mouth in turn to explore him, earning a pleasured groan from Gibbs. The kiss lasted for long minutes and broke slowly, the two of them panting with desire and breathlessness, eyes locking onto each other again, Tony’s gaze questioning, Gibbs’ gaze a little sad. Tony brushed his fingers over Gibbs’ cheek and spoke softly.  
   
“What’s wrong?”  
   
But Gibbs just shook his head and pressed a quick kiss to Tony’s lips, then got up and went upstairs. Moments later, Tony heard the shower start running. He turned onto his back and rubbed his hands over his face, sighing deeply and letting his thoughts wander. His lips still tingled from the kissing, and he smiled to himself. He hadn’t seen this coming, but he was pleased it had happened, even if he didn’t understand why, what had prompted this, and why now. Not able to figure it out by himself, he got up and went to the downstairs guest bathroom, grabbing his bag on the way. He brushed his teeth and washed up, and when he turned to take a clean shirt from his bag, found Gibbs standing in the hall, watching him through the partially open door, Gibbs’ eyes raking over Tony’s bare chest. Tony stood there watching back, wondering whether Gibbs would come to him, but Gibbs again shook his head and peeled his eyes away from Tony, then turned and went to the kitchen. Curious, Tony quickly put on his clean shirt and followed Gibbs, settling himself at the table while Gibbs fixed a pot of coffee and started setting out things for breakfast. When the coffee was ready, Gibbs poured them both a mug, supplying Tony with cream and sugar to put in his, and they ate and drank in silence. Gibbs’ eyes kept flickering over to Tony, and when Tony caught them for the third time, saw a faint blush rise on Gibbs’ cheeks. Growing more and more curious, Tony kept quiet until breakfast was done and they sat there with a fresh mug of coffee, then Tony spoke.  
   
“What’s going on, Gibbs? What is happening here?”  
   
Gibbs stayed silent a while longer, then cleared his throat, his eyes fixed on his hands around his mug. He spoke softly and slowly.  
   
“I’ve been alone for a long time now, and I’ve always thought that was fine, that I liked it that way. But after what happened with Diane, and I saw what it was doing to Tobias, I started thinking about my life, and I didn’t like what I saw. I realized I had been alone too long, that I was starting to get cut off, from other people, from life. When I’m at work, I feel fine, but as soon as I come back here, as soon as the door closes behind me, it feels like I stop existing, like I’m just waiting until the sun rises again and I can get back to work.”  
   
Tony held his breath and studied Gibbs closely. He was amazed at how honest and open Gibbs was being. Gibbs continued.  
   
“About what happened earlier, I’m sorry. I had no right. It won’t happen again. I was just so tired of being alone, and having you here, I… It was a moment of weakness.”  
   
“In case you didn’t notice, I really didn’t mind, Jethro.”  
   
Gibbs finally looked up at him, and saw the honesty of those words in Tony’s eyes. Tony got up and pulled Gibbs to his feet as well, then wrapped his arms around the older man to hold him in a tight embrace, smiling when he felt Gibbs’ arms wrap around his waist, returning the hug. They stood there like that for long minutes, soaking up each other’s warmth, until at last Tony pulled back a little.  
   
“You are not alone, Jethro. I’m here. I’ll always be here for you.”  
   
“Why would you do that?”  
   
“Because I love you.”  
   
Gibbs saw in Tony’s expression that he hadn’t meant to say that, that it had just slipped out, and Tony held his breath waiting for Gibbs’ response. Gibbs studied him, holding Tony’s gaze with his own, and then gave a short nod. Gibbs brushed his hand over Tony’s cheek, and then stepped away from him, starting to clear the remains of breakfast.  
   
Tony stood there bewildered. He had just let slip the biggest secret he’d been keeping from Gibbs, and the man didn’t even respond to it. He just stepped away from him, turning his back on him. Tony watched Gibbs move around the kitchen for a few more moments, then turned and went into the living room, grabbing his things and stuffing them into his bag, then to the hall to get his coat, preparing to leave.  
   
“Why are you leaving?”  
   
Tony hadn’t even heard Gibbs join him in the hall, his thoughts too loud in his own head. He turned and looked at Gibbs.  
   
“I… You…”  
   
Not knowing what to say, Tony shrugged his shoulders a little helplessly. Gibbs walked over to him and took the coat and bag from his hands, putting them down, then cupped Tony’s cheeks and kissed him again, softly, deeply, until he felt Tony respond. Pulling back after a few minutes, he looked at Tony.  
   
“Don’t go.”  
   
“But you…”  
   
“I was a little surprised. A lot surprised, actually.”  
   
“Yeah. Bet you didn’t see that coming, right? Pathetic old Tony, pining for his boss.”  
   
The head slap hit swiftly, but softly.  
   
“What about even more pathetic and even older Gibbs, drinking himself into oblivion because he finally acknowledged he was in love with his SIC, and thinking that now he really was going to have to spend the rest of his life alone, because there was no way in hell that those feelings would ever be returned?”  
   
Tony stared at him incredulously. Gibbs smiled.  
   
“I kissed you too, remember?”  
   
Tony continued to stare, and Gibbs shook him a little.  
   
“You okay in there?”  
   
Then Tony moved. He plastered his lips against Gibbs’, his hands roaming all over the older man, pushing him back until he had Gibbs pressed against the wall, pinning him there with his chest and hips, exploring his mouth and body with his lips and hands. Gibbs moaned into Tony’s mouth in pleasure and desire, responding to every touch of Tony’s hands with one of his own, mapping Tony’s body with his fingers and lips. As soon as Gibbs felt Tony’s arousal pressing against his own, he reached out his hand to rub over it, tracing the outline of it through Tony’s jeans, feeling it respond to his touch eagerly by growing even further, every movement of his fingers wringing an even more pleasured moan from Tony’s throat. When Tony let his head fall backwards, Gibbs took the opportunity to fasten his lips onto Tony’s throat, sucking first gently and then with more force on the pulsing vein, with every intention of leaving his mark, succeeding admirably. Determined to make the younger man fall apart and desperately wanting to taste him, Gibbs quickly turned them around so now it was Tony who was pressed with his back against the wall, and Gibbs dropped to his knees and opened Tony’s jeans in a quick move, wasting no time in taking Tony into his mouth.  
   
Tony’s eyes flew open when he felt the wet heat of Gibbs’ mouth on him, and he looked down just to check it was real and he wasn’t dreaming. Seeing himself disappear into Gibbs’ mouth, the older man’s eyes closed in pleasure at the taste and feel of him, made Tony start panting in desire, and he tangled his fingers into Gibbs’ hair to encourage him and convey his delight. Gibbs had wondered what Tony would be like, fantasized about the sounds Tony would make, and the younger man did not disappoint. Tony babbled and cursed and moaned and hissed, every second another noise came from above, and Gibbs loved it, just like he loved Tony’s fingers clenching in his hair, tugging every now and then, letting Gibbs know exactly which moves drove Tony insane with pleasure. Gibbs played with him relentlessly, driving Tony closer and closer to the brink, and when Tony felt his balls tighten and the tingling up his spine start, he let his head fall back against the wall and banged it softly a couple of times, each hit accompanied by a begging please. When his release came and he poured himself down Gibbs’ throat, Tony’s deeply satisfied groan sent shivers of delight through Gibbs’ body, and he continued licking and sucking Tony until the younger man finally started to soften. Feeling Tony sway with dizziness after his overwhelming explosion, Gibbs steadied him with his hands on Tony’s hips, then got to his feet and steadied him with his chest, leaning in and returning his lips to the mark he’d left on Tony’s neck, kissing and nipping softly.  
   
When Tony at last had calmed enough to open his eyes and focus again, his gaze soft and loving, he drew Gibbs to him for a deep, long kiss, needing to taste himself on the older man’s lips. His hand found Gibbs’ arousal and he caressed it desirously, but when he wanted to slide down Gibbs’ body to return the favor, Gibbs stopped him. After giving Tony another soft kiss, Gibbs cleared his throat before he spoke, hoarse and husky.  
   
“Anthony… I want to be inside you, I need to be inside you. May I?”  
   
Shivering at the tone and with anticipation, Tony smiled and kissed Gibbs again.  
   
“Yes. Please, Jethro.”  
   
Gibbs led him upstairs and slowly undressed Tony, reverently kissing and touching every patch of skin he exposed, marveling that this beautiful man was letting him do this. When Tony was gloriously naked and spread out on the bed, Gibbs stood watching him for a few moments, admiring everything about the man. Still fully clothed, Gibbs crawled onto the bed and covered Tony’s body with his own, kissing and caressing him. Gibbs took his time, making love to every inch of Tony with his mouth and hands, putting Tony in a daze he had never experienced before, completely enthralled by every move the older man made and rapidly hardening again. Gibbs finally undressed himself as well, his attention never leaving Tony’s body, and when he at last settled between Tony’s thighs and entered him, Tony felt completely loved for the first time in his life. Gibbs saw the emotions in Tony’s eyes and caressed his cheeks with the backs of his fingers, his voice softly affirming to Tony that this was real and true and how much he loved Tony, how much he wanted him and needed him. Tony’s arms wrapped around Gibbs and held him tight, needing that reassurance of the older man’s weight on him, Gibbs’ voice in his ear, needing to be grounded a little before Gibbs made him soar. They held like that for long moments, then Tony drew Gibbs’ lips to his again, kissing him deeply and encouraging him to move. Gibbs took him slowly and gently, every move he made an expression of his adoration, and when release at last came over them both, it felt like hours had passed in their safe little cocoon of mutual love.  
   
Now that the hard part was over, what followed turned out to be surprisingly simple. Sometimes Gibbs stayed over at Tony’s place, but most of the time, Tony stayed at Gibbs’. In the weeks and months that followed, they barely spent a night apart. Tony was ready for more and one day when he woke up alone in his apartment, having spent one of their rare nights apart and hating it, missing having Gibbs at his side and being able to touch his lover whenever he wanted, he decided to talk to Gibbs about Tony moving into Gibbs’ place permanently. When he stepped out of his bedroom, dressed only in boxers and rubbing his hand through his sleep-mussed hair, he found Gibbs in his living room, a stack of unfolded moving boxes on the living room floor, Gibbs quietly loading DVDs into the box on the floor next to him. Smiling at the sight and the knowledge that they were thinking the same thing at the same time, Tony walked over to his lover and leaned down for a kiss. Tony saw the question in Gibbs’ eyes, gave a nod and a smile, and answered Gibbs without needing to hear the words.  
   
“I was just thinking the same thing, Jethro.”  
   
Tony’s things found their place in Gibbs’ house just as easily as Tony himself did, and from the very beginning it felt to both of them as if it had always been this way, the two of them together. They slipped into being Gibbs and DiNozzo when they arrived at the office as easily as they became Jethro and Tony again when they came back home. They knew each other well enough to know when to give each other space and when to push in close, and quickly learned how to avoid work issues spilling over into their private lives. Gibbs soon taught himself to find Tony’s habit of leaving sweaters and socks lying around wherever he took them off endearing instead of annoying, and Tony rapidly mastered the skill of telling himself that Gibbs neglecting to dust himself off after an evening in the basement and thus leaving tracks of sawdust all through the house was rugged and manly, and not at all irritating, and Tony certainly did not sigh while he grabbed the broom and cleared the sawdust away before it stuck to his bare feet.  
   
They had been together for almost a year already when one Friday afternoon, close to quitting time, McGee handed Tony a couple of reports that Gibbs had left on his desk. Gibbs had to give a statement in court that afternoon, and would go home straight after without returning to the office. Tony eyed the reports and raised his eyebrow at McGee in question.  
   
“Those are the reports Gibbs wanted to look through this weekend. He forgot to take them with him.”  
   
“So why give them to me, McStrangeDecision?”  
   
McGee just raised an eyebrow right back at Tony, but Bishop let out a snort from across the bullpen, her voice incredulous.  
   
“Really, Tony? You’re really going to pretend you and Gibbs aren’t living together?”  
   
Tony let himself fall back in his chair and eyed his two probies curiously.  
   
“You know?”  
   
This time the snort came from McGee.  
   
“Please… You two couldn’t be more obvious if you tried.”  
   
“How?”  
   
And McGee and Bishop launched into a list, supplementing each other and smiling when they saw a blush creep up Tony’s face the more they said.  
   
“The searing gazes when you think no one is looking.”  
   
“The lingering fingers after a head slap.”  
   
“Driving in together just about every other day.”  
   
“Gibbs rubbing mayonnaise off your cheek with his thumb.”  
   
“The time you showed up wearing one of Gibbs’ t-shirts.”  
   
“Gibbs not killing you when you take a sip from his coffee.”  
   
“The way you straightened Gibbs’ tie this afternoon before he left.”  
   
“You calling Gibbs ‘babe’ when you think we can’t hear you.”  
   
“And the way he blushes whenever you do that.”  
   
“Oh! Let’s not forget the kiss-swollen lips when the two of you come out of the elevator sometimes after it gets ‘stuck’!”  
   
Tony raised his hands in surrender.  
   
“Okay, okay! Enough.”  
   
He stared at them a few moments while they stood there grinning wickedly at him. Then a look of insecurity appeared on his face, and the other two toned down their grins a little, surprised at the vulnerability in Tony’s eyes. He spoke softly.  
   
“You don’t mind?”  
   
McGee and Bishop glanced at each other curiously, then Bishop replied.  
   
“Why would we mind?”  
   
“We just want you to be happy, Tony. Both of you.”  
   
“You are happy, aren’t you?”  
   
The insecurity on Tony’s face was replaced by a soft smile and a dreamy look in his eyes.  
   
“Yeah… Yeah, I’m happy. We’re happy.”  
   
“Good. That’s all that matters. Go home to your man, Tony, and go be happy together.”  
   
Standing up and grabbing his things, Tony smiled at the two of them.  
   
“Thanks, Tim. Thanks, Ellie.”  
   
And as he walked to the elevator, he had a little bounce in his step, smiling widely when he realized that, yes, he really was happy. And and he knew in his heart Jethro was too.  
   
 


End file.
